Which Dogs Are Assholes?

You have undoubtedly promised yourself that in a few years, after purchasing a bachelor pad of an apartment or mansion of a house, you will own about 5 dogs. Each one of those five dogs (eternal puppies, really) will be fluffy and well-behaved. They will never pee on your carpet or eat your underwear. They will be saints of the canine variety.

Ah, if only that were true.  Many of the precious pups below have a bitchy temperament and a constant craving for shoes. If you’re an owner of one of the dogs below, please don’t get offended. I’m sure your pooch is an exception to whatever negative qualities these breeds are stereotyped with. 

Chow Chows

These fluff balls look like actual bears. Chow Chows (can we just acknowledge that they’re called chow chows) are very loyal to their owners and get super overprotective of them, making this particular breed hostile toward strangers. Which is actually not a bad thing if you’re me, considering I hang out with the same 2 people every day *uncomfortable laugh.* They aren’t super active but shed like crazy. Although considering they have black tongues that supposedly ward off evil spirits…

Asshole-meter: ★☆☆☆

Pomeranians

I met a pomeranian in Brooklyn that weighed 4 pounds fully grown. FULLY GROWN, DAMNIT. What are they like? Super extroverted, intelligent, hyperactive and want to play 24/7. But they’re the equivalent of a clingy girlfriend – they demand constant attention and their pipsqueak barking means they almost always get it. They also shed quite a bit and can be pretty aggressive. I adore pomeranians but don’t adore their constant barking, so this truly breaks my heart but…

Asshole-meter:★★★☆

French Bulldogs

Have you ever seen a dog so regal? Hmm, probably not. French bulldogs, or the frog dog, are affectionate with their owners and require minimal exercise. They are the perfect boyfriend: they love children and almost never bark. However, why is that my dream dog costs at least $5,000….

Asshole-meter:☆☆☆☆

Corgi

I refer to this breed as the equivalent of a weiner dog with fur and an adorable butt. Corgi’s love to be challenged, making throwing the tennis ball about 20 times in a minute a strong possibility, and can be great watchdogs. Corgi’s are reserved with strangers but often like to nip at things, AKA bite them. Including your hand, probably. They also often bark a lot…

Asshole-meter: ★★★☆

Chihuahua

Oh, cute little things. Chihuahua’s are great. That is, if they like you. This breed tends to be fiercely loyal over one person in particular and are absolutely awful with children. (I can attest to this. My best friend has a long-haired chihuahua and barked for a solid 10 minutes at my baby sister.) Hell, they’re even often with other dog breeds that aren’t chihuahuas. Oh say it ain’t so…

Asshole-meter: ★★★★

Italian Greyhounds

If all dogs went to a high school, the Italian Greyhounds would be the star athletes on the track team. Their long legs make them great runners. Greyhounds get super alarmed when they hear odd noises, so if something goes bump in the night… you’ll hear barking. They’re usually super social though….

Asshole-meter: ★☆☆☆

Did I miss any of your favorite doggy dog breeds? Let me know!