There’s A Retail Fairy Watching You


If you’re looking to empty your bank account for whatever reason, you should A) get the $$$ off your hands and Venmo it to me or B) go to Target. Today, I did the latter, although I certainly wasn’t looking to get rid of what little is left in my piggy bank, yes-the-quarters-count style checking account. But, Christmas. Also, I really wanted to recreate a parfait I had at this Greek cafe. It required honey, granola, and a bunch of other stuff that was sadly missing from my fridge.

So I left Target already annoyed at the metaphorical butterfly, or mothballs to be more accurate I think, living in my empty wallet. Then we (my BF and me) get to the car and my anger becomes amplified by about five million because there, blocking the car, is a shopping cart. A shopping cart…even though the shopping cart storage area (a park for shopping carts? Parking spots for shopping carts? Not sure what it’s called) was only a few feet away. Meaning that a person literally did not put away their used shopping cart because they couldn’t be bothered to walk a few steps.

This begs the question — who raised you?

Let’s think up a scenario here. You work in retail and have just finished putting a bunch of sweaters away on their hangers. Someone walks into the dressing room, tries on seven sweaters, dumps them all on the dusty floor, and leaves without making a single purchase. Now pretend you have to bend over, pick up all that polyester, and hang it back up again because someone couldn’t be bothered to show a little decency. How shitty do you feel? Angry at the world? Rightfully so, dammit!

I believe in retail karma, meaning pick up the thing you dropped in the middle of the aisle and put it back where your large bag snagged it. There’s a little fairy out there that watches your every move, seeing if you’re the kind of person who makes for after hours retail worker “let me tell you about the asshole at work today” bitching. Do you argue about coupons that don’t exist? Are you rude to waitstaff? Are you the person that doesn’t put the damn shopping cart away? Well be warned that said fairy is best friends with the head honcho upstairs, and I don’t really think you’re gonna like what comes around.

Moral of the story: put away the shopping cart next time and all is forgiven.

Feature photo via RKO Radio Pictures. 


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